Written by: Colin Batchelor

Who’s your hero? Now come on, don’t’ be shy, we all have them. In the US Lance is number one, in the UK you need to be a track head and in Belgium it’s Boonan, so that’s grande tours, velodromes and the classics all covered then. No more room for any thing is there?

Is there? Are you crazy? What about Artistic cycling? Paris-Roubiax? Pah! That’s all I’ve got to say, forget the Kerin, wave bye bye to the Giro. Take the breaks off your bike, set the gear ratio to be one to one, swap your Sidi’s for a pair of ballet shoes and off your go.

Artistic cycling is basically gymnastics on a bike. And it’s about time we all woke up to the fact that’s it’s the next big thing in cycling. Gymnastics? Bores me to death, but stick the competitors on a bike and you have an activity that can only be described as insane and once you decide a branch of the sport can be thus classified it becomes essential viewing.

Do you marvel as the calendar hits July, the thermometer explodes, the tarmac melts and some skinny climber defies gravity and the local gendarmes to mount an assault on an Alpine giant? Well you’re head is gonna explode once you get into Artistic cycling.
You wanna try it, seriously you really do. Get on an Artistic cycling bike and try to pull a few of the tricks these guys do. I’ll bet within ten minutes you’ll be crying out for an end to your suffering and heading out onto the local roads looking for something easier, like a 25% cobbled climb.
The sitting on the saddle and peddling I can do, the steering is second nature. Right, next stage, take both feet off the peddles and somehow manoeuvre your body round so that your head is on the saddle, your left hand is on the top tube and everything else is waving in the wind. Think that’s hard? That’s just beginners stuff, next it’s one hand on the saddle, one hand on the bars, legs in the air, then do a track stand and then lift the back wheel off the ground. Done that, hummn, well six out of ten for that one.

Seriously these guys get into positions on the bike that I’ve only ever managed in a multi rider pile up that results in someone going to hospital.

But when you get to thinking that the solo stuff is just too easy stuff, try doing it in pairs or fours or sixes. Try doing your manoeuvre at the same time as five other guys all executing the same routine in an area only slightly bigger than a tennis court. Try riding as a mixed pair and lifting your partner above your head whilst your only point of contact is between your left ear and the saddle.
Try that and succeed in your efforts and you deserver the ultimate accolade that cycling has to offer. Yes because Artistic cycling offers a whole raft of rainbow jerseys, singles, pairs, men and women there’s almost as many on offer as there is at the track and if you ask me everyone as equally worthy (no I’m serious, honestly, well OK then… maybe not not 100% serious, will you settle for 95%?).

So where do you find these super athletes with a core strength that can only result from years of training? Well try Germany for starters, 10,000 license holders makes Artistic cycling pretty big on the competition front. I don’t know how many road/track racing licenses there are in the US, but in the UK there’s about 13,000. Imagine going to watch a bike race and seeing almost all the competitors doing one wheeled track stands? Mind boggling it really is.

So what else is there? Your want to win a rainbow jersey, but you’re slightly over weight, you can’t climb, you can’t sprint, you can’t time trial, or pick up a bike and run or ride fast downhill and lets be honest, ballet shoes just don’t do it for you.
So your chances of becoming world champion are slight to non-existent eh? Think again my friend, think again. Because cycling has something for you and that something is called Rad-Ball. Rad-Ball or Cycle-ball to give it it’s Anglicised name is essentially football/soccer on bikes and yes there’s a world cup and yes a rainbow jersey.
Here teams of two play with a round ball and a pair of goals. Now I don’t want you to start thinking I’m crap at kicking a ball, I’ll never be a champion. No, here you propel the ball by flicking your front wheel, most goals wins, simple as that.
But you know the best thing about Cycle-Ball? Age! Here cunning and experience play a part like no other area of cycling. So if you’re feeling a little long in the tooth to go chasing the rainbow don’t worry, Jind?ich Pospisil was 46 when he won the last of his twenty! World championships.
Have a think about that, you know it’s never too late to become a champion.