Written by: Uncle Chad

Man, there is nothing like seeing someone with a Rolex that doesn’t keep time, a Ferrari that’s in the shop, ROGANI BRUNO and FRANCO’s with poop on the bottom of their soles, or a ten thousand dollar racing bike being used as a desk chair. Pure, personal enjoyment, I tell ya. Last week a rider said he just swapped out his standard skewers on his 9860.00 bike with a fancy 140.00 set. “It’s a better design, and makes my bike an even 10 thousand!” he said, as he continued to pump up his clinchers to 160 pounds. Grams or dollars?? I couldn’t wait for the blow-out.

Now a Rolex or a Girard Perregaux is not necessarily a “watch”, but more of a piece of art that can keep reasonable time. Bruno Maglis’ are not necessarily a “comfortable shoe”, but the look and style show fine craftsmanship and class. Lastly, a Cervelo R3 with carbon clinchers, a 75 gram saddle, and Campy 12 speed, (no? just you wait), is a race bike. Not a desk chair with castors!!

I will explain, as I will recall a recent century ride. Now I call it a “ride” as I personally rode my bike, while others scooted around on ten thousand dollar “desk chairs”. Money can’t buy you fame, but it can buy you a race bike. A fancy one at that. It won’t get you to the 40 mile rest stop any faster, but it will beat your bones to a pulp! The idea behind a race bike is it is designed for high performance. Like a Porsche GT4, it will handle great in race conditions or on the track, but is uncomfortable on the average street. Therefore, I ask; “why, oh why, must riders use it at 15mph for 6.5 hours then????” (sweat ball dripping off my nose!). The only way to counter the roughness is to lower the seat, and raise the bars. First thing they do is to get a 30 degree stem pointing straight up to Mars! This way the handle bars are higher than the seat, giving the rider the look like he’s sitting in a desk chair!!! “Arhhggr this is the best bike in the world!” they say. “Then why not ride it like the way it is supposed to be ridden!?” I say (back flip off the rest stop table).

Don’t give me that crap that they enjoyed their “research” and purchase of their fancy “desk chair” either. At 15 mph why not just use a real desk chair!?

The point is when they ride by you with this s-eating grin on their face, their horrible desk chair form, and their 7.5 hours in the saddle, ask them what the time is on their 700 dollar GPS, as you have to go pick up your Ferrari by the end of the day, your watch stopped working, and you stepped in dog poop.